Disclaimer: This post may contain a number of contradictions given that I just got a Garmin for Christmas and am now obsessed with the statistics delivered by this fancy piece of wrist tech.
Anyways, back to the original point of this post…
For those of you who religiously weigh your rice krispies and log a 234536 day streak on MyFitnessPal, you must be thinking I’ve lost it! Even I thought I’d lost it when I first considered the idea. How could I even contemplate deleting an app I’d used on and off (mostly on) for around 4 years, an app I’ve recommended multiple times on this blog (and still do recommend – it’s great!), an app which brings me back down to reality when I’m like ‘that portion of pasta was only like 200 kcals’ when it was actually 1000 and enough to feed a family of 4! Ok, that’s a slight exaggeration but you get my gist.
It actually wasn’t that easy to hold the little square for 10 seconds and press the cross when all my apps starting vibrating. It took me 3 or 4 days to actually do it.
Now here’s why it had to go…
It brought back far too much obsessive behaviour into my life. The kind of behaviour I’ve worked really hard over the last 2 and a bit years to control.
I loved logging low numbers and then entering my runs which would shoot my ‘calories left’ number way up! I was weighing everything that passed my lips, questioning if I should have another cup of tea or even allow myself 1 cup with milk and sugar to begin with (the answer is yes, you should always have another cup of tea especially if you’re not out drinking like everyone else in December) and then it spiralled.
I think I went out twice during December, barely drank and did not allow myself to indulge in any chocolate (except my daily advent chocolate). I didn’t want to have to log these things on MFP, so I chose going home to my flat after work (alone, as Brandon was away with work) instead of enjoying time with my friends over the Festive period. I was smashing the gym and logging a lot of miles, but I was also disconnected from the rest of the world and their celebrations.
I then realised I was weighing myself daily again – again, so I could update my weight on MFP every couple of days. I was even weighing myself sometimes in the middle of the night if I got up to go pee, which is quite frankly ridiculous.
The only positive of dealing with this for such a long period of time is I know when I’m being an idiot now… and I’m reasonable enough (with myself) to make changes to stop myself when this behaviour rears its ugly head every now and again.
Why was I doing all this?
A goddamn dress!! Yes, you did read that correctly. The dress I’d planned to wear for New Year’s Eve. It was a size 6 and I didn’t want to look fat in it. Idiotic, I know but it seemed to make sense to me at the time.
I actually ended up binge eating a lot over Christmas (probably because I was so desperate to have all the things I’d forbidden for so long) and guess what? I didn’t look fat in the dress… And that was 7lbs heavier than I’d been before Christmas!
Some of you reading this may think I’m crazy but sometimes even when I know I’m being silly, I just can’t stop myself… even when logical Louise is right in the back of my head screaming and telling me to do the opposite of what I’m doing!
Long story, short…
I decided to delete MyFitnessPal in a bid to rid myself of this controlling behaviour.
I’m ditching weighing food for now and I’m going to be eating intuitively (within reason) whilst maintaining a healthy diet and my current training plan. I actually favour good, healthy foods over the processed ‘bad for you’ kind anyways – I just don’t need to tell an app every time I eat them!
Plus, I’m training for two half marathons this year so I don’t need to be obsessively worrying about what I’m eating! I’m burning a lot of calories and my body needs fuel if I’m going to complete my goals.
Since deleting the app I’m much happier! No more hangry Louise!! I’ve been eating bigger breakfasts and am taking an extra snack to work to give me fuel for running after work or on my lunch break. I’ve also noticed that I’m not absolutely starving by lunch time. I even ate some of Brandon and I’s home baking the other night. We made salted caramel brownies and chocolate chip cookies and I can now confirm that you may see me as the winner of The Great British Bake Off 2018. Before, I would have made Brandon taste all the goodies and given away the rest, so it feels like a small victory!
This is not to say that MyFitnessPal is in anyway responsible for my behaviour or damaging to the user. It’s actually a very useful tool for tracking macros, accountability and especially for those just starting out, as a tool to see exactly what you are eating! It’s just not something I want to be doing right now.
Have you found yourself in a similar position recently where something you once swore by just isn’t working for you anymore?