Honesty

I have been scared and putting off writing this post for weeks. I’ve gone over and over in my head what I was going to say… but here I am… with no shitty excuses as to why I’ve not been posting or why I stopped in the middle of 100 days.

I fell off the wagon. That’s it.

Life happened. Life got me down. And I struggled to cope with that.

I wasn’t working out very often. I wasn’t eating how I would normally eat and I paid the price. It was a vicious cycle of misery. I was eating badly and feeling guilty about it, never mind the fact my body was showing me how unhappy it was with what I was doing to it. I felt awful and I couldn’t motivate myself to get out of this rut I found myself in all of a sudden.

However, the storm doesn’t last forever and I managed to claw myself back to some form of normality. It’s been a lot of hard work re-training my brain into smaller, controlled portions of good healthy food and not snacking after dinner or between meals. It took a lot to get out of bed at 6am and just get the bloody workouts done. But over the last few weeks I’ve been working on myself and I think I’ve got the old Louise is back!

I learned a lot about myself in the number of weeks where I found myself down in the dumps.

  • I really value goal-setting. I’m the sort of person who needs to have a goal, something to focus on and work towards. Without something to work for, I lack motivation. I think that’s why this mini-breakdown came at around the same time I had stopped training for the marathon due to injury.
  • I always have to be in control of everything. I’ve realised now that it was in more of an unhealthy way than an organised manner. My mind is much clearer and I’m far happier when I allow myself to let go of that just a little bit.
  • I’m a bitch and take things out on the people I love when I’m sad. I really don’t mean to and again, it’s something I’m working on.

The point of this post really is to say sorry I’ve not been posting but also to remind you that it’s okay when everything isn’t going perfectly. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or lost any progress. Yes, I may have gained a small amount of weight and I don’t look how I look when I felt at my best. But when I look back to how far I’ve come from the beginning, not just physically but mentally as well… I realised I’m gonna be fine.

I’ve had a good break from work, I’m back and I’ve adjusted my focus to bettering myself every day. That’s my new goal. One day at a time. Because I’ve learned that that’s how life works.

You’ll be hearing more from me soon.

L x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s